I have blogged a lot about beliefs and also wrote about them in my newsletter.  Why, you might ask? - Well, because what you believe is so pivotal to how you shape your reality.  Dr Wayne Dyer even wrote a book entitled "You Will See it When you Believe it".  Think about that for a moment.  How many times have you been blind to something until you shifted your belief structure? 

Choice comes into this too.  What you choose to believe will determine how your reality is modelled.  I want to take a look a the anatomy of a belief.  Not because I am a scientist, far from it, because I want you to question some of the things that you believe to be true. 

I think there are number of stages as follows:-

1. You are given some information from a source that you trust
2. You adopt that information
3. You transform it into an idea or ideas
4. You gather some evidence to make it real for you
5. You talk about it
6. You re-enforce the idea
7. You believe it
8. You get to be right about it
9. You validate it whenever you can

The same framework works to replace negative beliefs with positive ones.  If you take the 9 steps above, you can use this to 'install' some more valuable, a belief that supports you, better feelings and better outcomes.  What are you beliefs costing you?  Look beyond what you see and consider alternatives.  How will you world look when you replace your limiting beliefs?

I had lunch last week with a friend and ex-work colleague Minu.  We had not seen each another for at least 5 years, although we have kept in touch via email and my newsletters.  We picked up right were we had left off and I always think that is a measure of a great friendship.  She responded to a request that I made to discuss contract assignment possibilities within the company that she works for.

We had lots to catch up on and the conversation flowed.  We could probably have spent the rest of the day and that evening chatting.  One of the things that I love the most about Minu is that she has the ability to look beyond your words and sense what else is going on (coupled with a wicked sense of humour).  Minu had lived in the US for some time and whilst there she worked with Landmark Education running and facilitating the Landmark Forum.  I did the Forum here in London back in 1992.  Admittedly, I was not wholly ready for the lessons in total responsibility at that time.  Looking back though, this course laid a very valuable foundation for many things.  I noticed how valuable that was when I was with Minu.  I realised that we speak the same language, in fact everybody I have met who has done the Landmark Forum has that appreciation. 

During conversation, she asked me if my game was big enough and I immediately knew the answer, no, it wasn't.  That realisation was so valuable.  It was almost as if she had looked inside of my very soul and noticed that something was missing.  Every now and again we need people to ask us those great questions.  So I am now asking you also, is your game big enough?  If it isn't then what do you need to do to get energised and exacted about your future and to make the present even more valuable. 

The very next day I went to a 50th Birthday celebration of a friend who has a very big game. He is founder and owner of an organisation called ICROSS or the International Community for the Relief of Starvation and Suffering.  Mike Meegan had a vision when he was a young man that he could make a real difference in the world to people who were suffering.  His dream was big and after having spent over 30 years in Africa he has raised millions and helped countless people who have experienced suffering of the kind that hopefully you and I will never experience. 

I am not saying that your dream needs to be of that magnitude, it does need to be big enough to excite you, give you butterflies in your stomach and get you out of bed in the morning before the alarm sounds. 

It struck me a while back, whilst working on the cross-trainer in my local gym, just how easy it is to create a highly attuned relationship between your thoughts and your body's behaviour.  I noticed that every time I got on that particular machine, I would go through an almost robotic routine of entering; the desired programme, i.e. cardio, my weight and then my age.  When I turned 46, I was still anchored into keying in 45 when I got onto the machine.  It was so automatic.  Interestingly, when I did increase to the age of 46, my target heart rate was reduced.  I didn't like that.  So I decided to stay at 45 for another year. 

What you project in life will invariably determine the results that you get.  For me, projecting a feeling and a mindset of being younger than my measure of years, I got a far more fulfilling work-out, both physiologically and psychologically.  I also decided to project the desired weight that I wanted to be.  I dropped my actual weight by 2 kilos and focused on that every time I got on the machine.  The intensity of that focus produced the desired result within 4 weeks.  Admittedly I ate sensibly and continued to exercise.  Something wonderful happens when you give yourself a set of repeated instructions - they are accepted by your unconscious mind.  Thoughts become things!  Seeing my age and weight 3-4 times per week just re-enforced my inner belief about my 'state' and of course it produced a great result.  Although I am not actually a year younger, I probably feel a good 2 years younger and my weight dropped to exactly where I wanted it to be.

What are you projecting?  What do you want to project?  What is the desired result you are looking for?  How can you remind yourself of where it is you are heading?  Take some action today and project something that is worth stretching for and then keep looking at, imagining it and feeling it. 

If you subscribe to my newsletter you will already have seen this thread.  If you don't and you would like to, send me an email with the word 'Subscribe' in the subject line to: info@a-wonderful-life.com .  How much of your time do you spend in fear?  An hour a day, a couple of hours, half of the day or more?  How much of that time could be spent enjoying peace of mind, joy or laughter?  Think about it.  I came across this acronym a few years ago and had filed it away in a little drawer in my mind, until a colleague of mine reminded me of it again last week.  Remember that 80-90% of things that we worry about will never actually happen!  I will say that again, 80-90% of things that we worry about will never actually happen!  Fear is just False Evidence Appearing Real. 

The next time that you find yourself being fearful remember this acronym.  Examine the facts, the evidence.......and remember that it may appear to be real AND there is a very good chance that it is just an illusion.  If you have learnt to make scary pictures in your mind that disturb or frighten you, it might be time to do something else, after all, you know how to make pictures that give you a good feeling don't you?  Yes, of course you do, so what is preventing you from doing that more often?  People are amazed when they discover that they can control their state just by making better quality pictures that make them feel better.  What do you need to think about to make yourself feel good.  Think about all the things you can do with the reclaimed energy you will get from getting off the worry wheel.  You deserve to feel better and now you know the odds of bad things happening, it's time to relax a bit more. 

I have taken a break, you might have noticed.  As there are just so many hours in a day, I have been taking to write my first book.  Something just tells me though that keeping the blog alive and well is a worthwhile pursuit.  People have told me as much!

I sat down with a colleague of mine last week to brainstorm some ideas about running courses and workshops.  I asked Liz what the most common trends were in client sessions.  Remarkably (or perhaps not) her answer reflected my own experience of meeting client's needs.  "They want to move on with their lives and be free from their past".  That statement in isolation is not really remarkable.  Many people can identify with that.  I often remind my clients of this;. 'the best thing about the past is that it is over, good or bad'.  Of course we are really concentrating on the stuff that is no longer useful.  If you have experienced anything that is painful, limiting, frightening or disturbing - why would you ever want to repeat it?  You would have to be a crazy person - right?  Right!  So why is it then, that so many people use their past as a reference point for creating a future that looks scarily similar or even the same?

Everything that has happened to each of us up until now has brought us to where we are.  For whatever reason, there are experiences that mould, shape and form the people we are today.  Please remember though that you get to decide which of those things are useful and which ones are better left where they belong........  As a coach I do a lot of work on peoples' belief systems.  We look at negative beliefs, where they have come from and what they have cost you.  Usually when people get the true cost of dragging round negative beliefs they get really mad with themselves and stop doing it.  My colleague uses a rapid technique of releasing beliefs through forgiveness.  We thought it would be a great idea to combine that methodology of rapid release with my coaching expertise to build some more compelling beliefs. 

Watch this space.  If you are interested in being free from your past and want an effective and sustainable way to do it, this one might just be for you.

I wonder if we when we look back on this period in years to come, we will remember it as another winter of discontent.  The winter of 1978 and 1979 was labelled as such due to widespread strikes in the UK and trade union activism.  Whilst we don't have widespread strikes, we have had the worst winter in 20 years or more and the shrinking economy is beginning to reveal cracks in the infrastructures of small and large businesses alike.  If we choose to accept the reality that is being presented, then the years ahead don't look promising, particularly in the UK.

The truth is, each and everyone of us will experience a reality that is defined by our ability to respond to our environment.  My next door neighbour in Harley Street is a Kinesiologist, Kineseiology is about muscle testing.  A very simple explanation of this therapy is a test of your muscular reactions to certain thoughts and feelings.  For example, if you are stood upright with your right arm extended out at right angles, I then ask you to think about something that you are uncomfortable about, or fearful of, AND I then start pressing down on your right arm, it will invariably fold down by your side very quickly.  If I then repeat the same exercise, except this time I ask you to think confident and and purposeful thoughts, you will notice that as I press down on your arm, it will resist the pressure being asserted upon it.  

What kind of extraordinary belief system do you need to employ to strengthen your muscle groups?    If you set out on a journey expecting it to be difficult, you will find difficulty.  Your mind is filtering and searching for it, and of course, you find what you are looking for.  'Fake it till you make it' is a useful way to lull yourself into new patterns of thinking, especially when there appears to be internal parts of you that are resistant, or doubting.  If your expectation is a different one, the kind that just expects that you will discover some amazing new things about your resourcefulness, you will notice that new opportunities show up.

In a snow covered West London suburb last week, I took to heading off to the supermarket by foot and I noticed a difference in people that I met whilst out.  They seemed more caring and courteous.  They took time to help one another.  I smiled at this experience and thought about the months and years ahead and realised that there are untold opportunities for different levels of contentment and new depths to human behaviour.  Out of adversity come the richest gifts. 

Last night I sent out the February edition of my newsletter - 'LifeWorks' and today the magic happened.  I received brilliant  feedback from 3 clients who have accomplished some amazing results from the work that we have done together.  What was really great was that they took the time to send me an email to share their success.  I am in a privileged position to be in a profession that is all about helping people to improve in some way.  I am often asked if I can quantify specific metrics around success rates of interventions such as smoking cessation or weight loss and my response is always the same.  Being totally honest, I can't.  Hand on heart, what I can say is that everybody who walks out of my office or leaves a Skype or telephone coaching session is in a better place than when they came in.  Everybody improves in some way.

When I receive an email from somebody who tells me that they have overcome their fear of flying or somebody else who has been able to come off anti depressants, I remember what it feels like when the magic happens.  In my capacity as a coach, I work with a number of business men and women who hold senior positions in large organisations.  These people often feedback to me that they think they are doing a good job but something just niggles away at them because nobody actually tells them.  There is often an expectation that they will just get on with it.  In the Language and Behaviour Profile (LAB) one of the questions is "How do you know when you have done a good job?"  It is a question format often used by interviewers.  The majority of people you ask that question to will qualify the answer by telling you that they received feedback telling them, or the result was backed up by some kind of success measurement.  We refer to that as external validation.  On the other hand, there are some people who will reply with something like "I just know inside that I have done a great job."  These people are quite often CEO's of companies.  They are natural leaders who rely on their internal validation.

The truth is, we all need to some external validation from time to time.  If ever you feel lost or wonder if you are on the right track, or doing a good job, listen to your intuitive self.  Then ask a few people for their views.  Keep a journal or a log of your success stories and remind yourself where and when your magic happens.  It is a feeling, and the more in touch you are, the more evidence you have, the easier you will find it. 

1.       Be vigilant about limiting your exposure to negative news about the state of the economy.  Remember that TV isn’t called programming for nothing!   The perpetual broadcast of negative messages can build a collective consciousness of fear, uncertainty and doubt.    

2.       You get what you think about the most.  If your expectations are based on demise and hardship, there is every possibility that you are becoming an irresistible magnet for attracting the very things that you don’t want, simply by thinking about them all the time.  Focus on what you DO want. 

3.       Remember that 80% of things that we worry about never actually happen.  Ask yourself how much time am I u spending worrying about things that will never manifest.  What else could you be doing with this time?  How much more energy could you have?

4.       If you are concerned about your personal finances, avoid burying your head in the sand and get absolute clarity about your current position.  Seek the advice of an independent financial expert and then put a plan in place to deal with it.  Taking action will produce positive results and give added peace of mind that you have done something about it.

5.       Look after your physiological and psychological well being by eating a wide range of fresh fruits and vegetables.  Avoid processed foods and take regular exercise.  Healthy and vigorous exercise (always check first with a health professional) produces a natural flow of endorphins – or happy brain chemicals.  Make sure that you get enough sleep.  A rested mind is usually a much more positive and productive one!

6.       Make sure that you read something positive each day.  Many of my client subscribe to blogs or daily newsletters that contain inspiring story’s or quotes.  Augment your library with uplifting literature.

7.       If you have been made redundant this may be a chance for you to start up your own business or realise an idea that you have been sitting on for years.  In the last economic slump in the early 90’s there were a record number of new start up businesses, many of which became successful.  Remember that in the midst of adversity there is always an opportunity.  Develop and irresistible curiosity for seeking out opportunity.

8.       Surround yourself with positive people who will encourage you and support your thinking and ideas.  The environment you choose to live in will shape your thoughts and ideas.

9.       Remember that everything moves on, good or bad.  The current economic crisis will not last forever and however difficult things may seem now, there will  ALWAYS be some positive aspects that you can embrace.

10.   Take some time each and every day to write down the things that you are grateful for, no matter how small they are.  This is a very powerful way to focus the mind into a pattern of positive thinking.

11.   Switch off the TV and pick up a great book.  Meet some friends or take up a creative activity and stimulate your mind in a different way.

12.   Take action each and every day to move you a step closer to where you want to be.  No matter how small that action may be. Sowing seeds will ensure that your garden blossoms when the sun comes out again!

 Every other programme on TV during January seems to be about weight loss.  Predictable and the same time a little irritating. The Biggest Loser UK, re-runs of Paul McKenna's 'I can make you thinner' and then of course there are the sensationalist channel 4 and UK Living shows about 'half ton sons' and people who have undergone radical surgery for morbid obesity.  The unfortunate thing with this kind of programming is that it is screened at the beginning of the year and then pretty much forgotten about for the rest of the year.  After the festive season, many people have over-eaten and so the penance begins. 

In my experience, the problem with diets is that they don't really work.  Why? - well simply because they have you eat in way that is un-natural and then when you have finished the diet and lost weight, you go back to doing what you used to do, and that of course is the problem.  If you want to shed weight and keep healthy permanently, you need to change the way you eat on a permanent basis.  Three years ago I volunteered to be a participant in the 'Food Doctor Diet Club' with Ian Marber - The Food Doctor.  There were 10 of us who participated in a 28 day programme whereby we were given a food plan.  We signed a contract and committed to resolutely follow the plan and provide weekly feedback to the editorial team about our progress.  We also had photographs taken before, and there was then a '28 days after' photo shoot.  The Food Doctor approach is very much based on the GI principle, i.e you eat little and often, combine complex carbohydrates with protein, avoid sugar and caffeine. This is a way of keeping your glycemic indexes constant.  I lost 5 kilos in the first 28 days.  By November of that year, I had lost a total of 14 kilos.  I am delighted to report that nearly 3 years later I am still 9 kilos lighter than when I started out.  Why?  Well, because I have educated myself to change the way that I eat and because I love having boundless energy and improved health.

What I learnt from that experience, and what I include in my therapy for weight loss is this:-

1. You need to have a compelling reason to lose weight in the first place.  That can be the image of you wearing some great clothes and looking amazing.  There might be a particular event coming up where you just want to 'wow' people with your new image.  You might just want to love the feeing of being lighter and receiving great support and comments from friends and family about how great you look.  It doesn't really matter what it is, you just need to build up a compelling reason in your mind that draws you magnetically and is strong.  This forms the basis of hypnosis that I do with clients.  When the picture of the 'new you' in your mind is so compelling, when you are faced with a choice as to whether you eat a piece of cake or a burger with fries, you instantly tap into a more compelling picture.  It is a way of training the mind to understand longer term gain, rather than short term gratification. 
2. You need to be committed to the result. With true commitment, all things are possible.
3. You need a plan and you need to stick to it.  I can highly recommend the Food Doctor Diet Club.  I have done it and it works!
4. You also need to take regular exercise.  Burning off calories and excess fat is essential.  You don't have to join a gym but you do need to do at least 20 minutes of exercise 3 times per week that make you out of breath and work over your cardio-vascular system.  If you have a lot of weight to shed, you will need to do more fat burning exercises. 

If you want to be free of yo-yo dieting forever and avoid the predictable January crash diet and de-tox, you need to start eating better permanently.  Make great choices and get the help and education that you need. This is the best investment imaginable in your future.  What you do today will directly impact on the quality of your future life.  Free yourself from the cycle of dieting and adopt some new success habits. 

Many people that I see have an on-going dilemma of conflicting demands competing for their time and energy.  There are  numerous ways to help people decide what is most important and what needs to be done first.  One approach is to use a bespoke problem solving matrix.  The first stage in that process is to write down absolutely everything that needs to be done.  The second stage is to consider how each one of those tasks will move you forward, i.e. what will be their overall impact and what would happen if they never got done?  The third stage is then to drop them into a comparison chart and to compare each one against the rest to decide which is more important.  You end up with a hierarchy to work from.

A number of years ago I was invited to attend a customer services course run by Mary Gober, founder of  company called Mary Gober International.  Mary had spent many years working with Blue Chips in the US and the Middle East and a former subsidiary of British Airways (for who I used to work), were so impressed with her method that Galileo UK invited her over to the UK and her programmes have now benefited the likes of Marks & Spencer and a number of other well known organisations.  If you are an organisation interested in improving your customer service experience you can find out more by logging on to:  http://www.marygober.com/.  One of things that I  particularly likes about Mary's programme was a powerful model that helped you to decide where best to direct your energies and time.  A diagram was used that consisted of three concentric circles.  The inner circle (or bullseye) was marked circle 1, the middle circle 2 and the outer circle 3.  Correspondingly, circle 1 was designated as "I can change or make a direct impact on this", circle 2 was designated as "I can influence the outcome of this" and finally circle 3 was designated as "I can neither change or influence anything in here".  It is not rocket science to then work out that you need to be spending time on activities/tasks that sit in either circle 1 or 2.  You need to find a way of letting go or disengaging from anything that resides in circle three because no matter how much time you spend there, you can't make a difference. 

Many people have relationship issues that they are struggling with.  It might be with family, friends or work colleagues.  Quite often a degree of suffering comes from the actions of people in these relationship groups.  The truth is, you cannot dictate how somebody will react or how they will show up for you.  You need to consider if you are in circles; 1,2 or 3.  If you are in 3 (quite often relationships are) you need to find a way of just letting go.  Focus your energy on the things that you know you can do that will make a true difference and free up your time and energy from those people, situations and things that you cannot change or influence.