Have you done everything that you really can to resolve your problem or change the situation that you are currently in?  If you are not not getting the results that you want, and you are tempted to start complaining, stop!  Ask yourself an honest question "have I truly done EVERYTHING that I can to make a difference?".  If the answer is no, then decide what you have not yet done, the doing of which, will make a difference.  Is there one more phone call that you need to make that you have been putting off?  Do you need some more information?  Could you enlist the help of somebody who may have experienced what you are trying to do?  What if you tried a different approach, even if you are sceptical about the potential outcome or success of your appraoch?  What do you have to lose?  If you don't take action, what what will you lose?  What won't happen if you do this?  What will happen if you take action?  When NOW would be a great time to do this?

If you are able to satisfy yourself that you have truly taken every conceivable course of aciton, have pursued every avenue and have done everythig you can think of, then step back and let-go for a while.  If you have truly done everything that you can, then the rest is left to fate and there is no longer anything you can do.  Take satisfaction in knowing that you have given this your very best shot and move onto something else that is worthy of your attention.  Create a few degrees of separation by immersing yourself into something new.  What else could you do?

You can spend untold hours looking at what you don't have, what could have been or what you have missed out on.  The truth is, what has gone has gone.  Lamenting is such a waste of energy.  Your thoughts can create energy or drain your resources.  You get to choose!  The quaility of your thoughts dictate how good you feel.  How good do you want to feel?  What kind of thoughts give you good feelings?  I bet you are already starting to think about things that make you feel good - right? 

You can think your way to a better life by policing the quality of your thoughts.  From time to time, negativity might creep in un-noticed, however, your body is a great barometer for unwanted feelings.  The body responds to the neuro transmitters in the brain.  Keeping in a positive state with good thoughts will increase the quality of your life.  It is a simple equation really.  Your happiness and contentment will increase proportionatley to the number of good thoughts and pictures that you make.  When you look back through photographs where you noticed you were happy and having fun, you probably pondered a while to absorb the good feelings.  Remeber that you have libraries of photograph albums in your mind.  They are multi-dimensional, that is to say, they generate feelings and sounds as well as pictures.  Think your way back to a better life and start enjoying your positive thoughts. 

Do you set the bar high for yourself in your professional life?  Do you demand only the best from your relationships.  Do you strive for perfection in many areas of your life?  If you do, then you are motivated by something that you value.  Something that drives you to be the best.  Coaching is pretty much all about being the best that you can be.  It works really well when you recognise the drivers for performance and you examine people's personal expectations.

Like most things in life, there are exeptions to the rule.  If you find that no matter how much effort you put in, and the results that you get, somehow don't fulfil you, then it is worth examining what is driving you.  If you are attempting to achieve perfection when perfection is not required, chances are you are expending a lot of unnecessary energy that could be channelled into something far more rewarding. 

During my secondary school education a fellow pupil was made to swim every single morning by his over zealous parents who had ambitions for him to become an Olympic swimmer.  It was not what he wanted.  In later years he discovered that no matter what he did, it was never good enough.  It never met his personal expectations.  Arguably you might then examine if those expectations were really his in the first place, or, if they were borne out of his parents desire to push him to be something better.  

I refer to this as the 'report card syndrome', i.e. "must try harder!".  You might remember having seen that written on a report card from school days.  Remember that the desire to better yourself in some way is for the most part healthy, provided that the motives and reasons for improvement are not destructive or drain you of valuable energy and peace of mind.  Check your 'feeling state' if it feels exciting and worth stretching for, you are probably on the right track. 

Isn't it amazing how much time and effort is expended in fulfilling the desire to be right?  Businesses have gone bust as a result of it and relationships have fallen apart.  I think there is an important distincition to be made between doing what is right and being right. 

Doing what is right is often a far greater stretch to make than yielding to the temptation of being right.  Childhood indoctrination and eductation may have re-enforced some of those burning desires to be right.  Being right for some, is a means of validation, some ritual that has to be completed in order to prove something personally.  If this resonates with you on any level, avoid worrying, it is commonplace, just about everybody will be able to relate to that overwhelming desire to be right.

If you are driven by this desire, you might like to ask yourself what it has cost you to be right over the years.  How many relationships have you damaged?  How many bad decisions have you made professionally?  What has it cost you financially?

The truth is, the desire to be right is a way of feeding the egoic mind, whereas doing what is right feeds a much deeper  place in your being.  As you go through your week this week, consider how many of your actions are driven by the desire to be right.  See what happens when you step back, take a deep breath and then make a decision to do what is right, or to do the right thing.  Notice the results that you get personally, professionally and financially.

I have blogged a lot about beliefs and also wrote about them in my newsletter.  Why, you might ask? - Well, because what you believe is so pivotal to how you shape your reality.  Dr Wayne Dyer even wrote a book entitled "You Will See it When you Believe it".  Think about that for a moment.  How many times have you been blind to something until you shifted your belief structure? 

Choice comes into this too.  What you choose to believe will determine how your reality is modelled.  I want to take a look a the anatomy of a belief.  Not because I am a scientist, far from it, because I want you to question some of the things that you believe to be true. 

I think there are number of stages as follows:-

1. You are given some information from a source that you trust
2. You adopt that information
3. You transform it into an idea or ideas
4. You gather some evidence to make it real for you
5. You talk about it
6. You re-enforce the idea
7. You believe it
8. You get to be right about it
9. You validate it whenever you can

The same framework works to replace negative beliefs with positive ones.  If you take the 9 steps above, you can use this to 'install' some more valuable, a belief that supports you, better feelings and better outcomes.  What are you beliefs costing you?  Look beyond what you see and consider alternatives.  How will you world look when you replace your limiting beliefs?

If you subscribe to my newsletter you will already have seen this thread.  If you don't and you would like to, send me an email with the word 'Subscribe' in the subject line to: info@a-wonderful-life.com .  How much of your time do you spend in fear?  An hour a day, a couple of hours, half of the day or more?  How much of that time could be spent enjoying peace of mind, joy or laughter?  Think about it.  I came across this acronym a few years ago and had filed it away in a little drawer in my mind, until a colleague of mine reminded me of it again last week.  Remember that 80-90% of things that we worry about will never actually happen!  I will say that again, 80-90% of things that we worry about will never actually happen!  Fear is just False Evidence Appearing Real. 

The next time that you find yourself being fearful remember this acronym.  Examine the facts, the evidence.......and remember that it may appear to be real AND there is a very good chance that it is just an illusion.  If you have learnt to make scary pictures in your mind that disturb or frighten you, it might be time to do something else, after all, you know how to make pictures that give you a good feeling don't you?  Yes, of course you do, so what is preventing you from doing that more often?  People are amazed when they discover that they can control their state just by making better quality pictures that make them feel better.  What do you need to think about to make yourself feel good.  Think about all the things you can do with the reclaimed energy you will get from getting off the worry wheel.  You deserve to feel better and now you know the odds of bad things happening, it's time to relax a bit more. 

I have taken a break, you might have noticed.  As there are just so many hours in a day, I have been taking to write my first book.  Something just tells me though that keeping the blog alive and well is a worthwhile pursuit.  People have told me as much!

I sat down with a colleague of mine last week to brainstorm some ideas about running courses and workshops.  I asked Liz what the most common trends were in client sessions.  Remarkably (or perhaps not) her answer reflected my own experience of meeting client's needs.  "They want to move on with their lives and be free from their past".  That statement in isolation is not really remarkable.  Many people can identify with that.  I often remind my clients of this;. 'the best thing about the past is that it is over, good or bad'.  Of course we are really concentrating on the stuff that is no longer useful.  If you have experienced anything that is painful, limiting, frightening or disturbing - why would you ever want to repeat it?  You would have to be a crazy person - right?  Right!  So why is it then, that so many people use their past as a reference point for creating a future that looks scarily similar or even the same?

Everything that has happened to each of us up until now has brought us to where we are.  For whatever reason, there are experiences that mould, shape and form the people we are today.  Please remember though that you get to decide which of those things are useful and which ones are better left where they belong........  As a coach I do a lot of work on peoples' belief systems.  We look at negative beliefs, where they have come from and what they have cost you.  Usually when people get the true cost of dragging round negative beliefs they get really mad with themselves and stop doing it.  My colleague uses a rapid technique of releasing beliefs through forgiveness.  We thought it would be a great idea to combine that methodology of rapid release with my coaching expertise to build some more compelling beliefs. 

Watch this space.  If you are interested in being free from your past and want an effective and sustainable way to do it, this one might just be for you.

Last night I sent out the February edition of my newsletter - 'LifeWorks' and today the magic happened.  I received brilliant  feedback from 3 clients who have accomplished some amazing results from the work that we have done together.  What was really great was that they took the time to send me an email to share their success.  I am in a privileged position to be in a profession that is all about helping people to improve in some way.  I am often asked if I can quantify specific metrics around success rates of interventions such as smoking cessation or weight loss and my response is always the same.  Being totally honest, I can't.  Hand on heart, what I can say is that everybody who walks out of my office or leaves a Skype or telephone coaching session is in a better place than when they came in.  Everybody improves in some way.

When I receive an email from somebody who tells me that they have overcome their fear of flying or somebody else who has been able to come off anti depressants, I remember what it feels like when the magic happens.  In my capacity as a coach, I work with a number of business men and women who hold senior positions in large organisations.  These people often feedback to me that they think they are doing a good job but something just niggles away at them because nobody actually tells them.  There is often an expectation that they will just get on with it.  In the Language and Behaviour Profile (LAB) one of the questions is "How do you know when you have done a good job?"  It is a question format often used by interviewers.  The majority of people you ask that question to will qualify the answer by telling you that they received feedback telling them, or the result was backed up by some kind of success measurement.  We refer to that as external validation.  On the other hand, there are some people who will reply with something like "I just know inside that I have done a great job."  These people are quite often CEO's of companies.  They are natural leaders who rely on their internal validation.

The truth is, we all need to some external validation from time to time.  If ever you feel lost or wonder if you are on the right track, or doing a good job, listen to your intuitive self.  Then ask a few people for their views.  Keep a journal or a log of your success stories and remind yourself where and when your magic happens.  It is a feeling, and the more in touch you are, the more evidence you have, the easier you will find it. 

1.       Be vigilant about limiting your exposure to negative news about the state of the economy.  Remember that TV isn’t called programming for nothing!   The perpetual broadcast of negative messages can build a collective consciousness of fear, uncertainty and doubt.    

2.       You get what you think about the most.  If your expectations are based on demise and hardship, there is every possibility that you are becoming an irresistible magnet for attracting the very things that you don’t want, simply by thinking about them all the time.  Focus on what you DO want. 

3.       Remember that 80% of things that we worry about never actually happen.  Ask yourself how much time am I u spending worrying about things that will never manifest.  What else could you be doing with this time?  How much more energy could you have?

4.       If you are concerned about your personal finances, avoid burying your head in the sand and get absolute clarity about your current position.  Seek the advice of an independent financial expert and then put a plan in place to deal with it.  Taking action will produce positive results and give added peace of mind that you have done something about it.

5.       Look after your physiological and psychological well being by eating a wide range of fresh fruits and vegetables.  Avoid processed foods and take regular exercise.  Healthy and vigorous exercise (always check first with a health professional) produces a natural flow of endorphins – or happy brain chemicals.  Make sure that you get enough sleep.  A rested mind is usually a much more positive and productive one!

6.       Make sure that you read something positive each day.  Many of my client subscribe to blogs or daily newsletters that contain inspiring story’s or quotes.  Augment your library with uplifting literature.

7.       If you have been made redundant this may be a chance for you to start up your own business or realise an idea that you have been sitting on for years.  In the last economic slump in the early 90’s there were a record number of new start up businesses, many of which became successful.  Remember that in the midst of adversity there is always an opportunity.  Develop and irresistible curiosity for seeking out opportunity.

8.       Surround yourself with positive people who will encourage you and support your thinking and ideas.  The environment you choose to live in will shape your thoughts and ideas.

9.       Remember that everything moves on, good or bad.  The current economic crisis will not last forever and however difficult things may seem now, there will  ALWAYS be some positive aspects that you can embrace.

10.   Take some time each and every day to write down the things that you are grateful for, no matter how small they are.  This is a very powerful way to focus the mind into a pattern of positive thinking.

11.   Switch off the TV and pick up a great book.  Meet some friends or take up a creative activity and stimulate your mind in a different way.

12.   Take action each and every day to move you a step closer to where you want to be.  No matter how small that action may be. Sowing seeds will ensure that your garden blossoms when the sun comes out again!

Many people that I see have an on-going dilemma of conflicting demands competing for their time and energy.  There are  numerous ways to help people decide what is most important and what needs to be done first.  One approach is to use a bespoke problem solving matrix.  The first stage in that process is to write down absolutely everything that needs to be done.  The second stage is to consider how each one of those tasks will move you forward, i.e. what will be their overall impact and what would happen if they never got done?  The third stage is then to drop them into a comparison chart and to compare each one against the rest to decide which is more important.  You end up with a hierarchy to work from.

A number of years ago I was invited to attend a customer services course run by Mary Gober, founder of  company called Mary Gober International.  Mary had spent many years working with Blue Chips in the US and the Middle East and a former subsidiary of British Airways (for who I used to work), were so impressed with her method that Galileo UK invited her over to the UK and her programmes have now benefited the likes of Marks & Spencer and a number of other well known organisations.  If you are an organisation interested in improving your customer service experience you can find out more by logging on to:  http://www.marygober.com/.  One of things that I  particularly likes about Mary's programme was a powerful model that helped you to decide where best to direct your energies and time.  A diagram was used that consisted of three concentric circles.  The inner circle (or bullseye) was marked circle 1, the middle circle 2 and the outer circle 3.  Correspondingly, circle 1 was designated as "I can change or make a direct impact on this", circle 2 was designated as "I can influence the outcome of this" and finally circle 3 was designated as "I can neither change or influence anything in here".  It is not rocket science to then work out that you need to be spending time on activities/tasks that sit in either circle 1 or 2.  You need to find a way of letting go or disengaging from anything that resides in circle three because no matter how much time you spend there, you can't make a difference. 

Many people have relationship issues that they are struggling with.  It might be with family, friends or work colleagues.  Quite often a degree of suffering comes from the actions of people in these relationship groups.  The truth is, you cannot dictate how somebody will react or how they will show up for you.  You need to consider if you are in circles; 1,2 or 3.  If you are in 3 (quite often relationships are) you need to find a way of just letting go.  Focus your energy on the things that you know you can do that will make a true difference and free up your time and energy from those people, situations and things that you cannot change or influence.